Emotions

Lonely was me up to last month don’t get me wrong, love the Dog but she can not talk, then bam friends out of the woodwork are showing up. Sweet..

While Sitting on the Couch chatting with a very Dear and Special Friend R, from back in the Days of my Military time in Germany, looking up info on the computer and Bam.. D & M Facebook message me! They were also my Military Buddies, close military Friends actually.

A few weeks ago, P from BC, two months before another friend P from up North, said move up here now or come up in a SHFT situation. As well, re-connecting with a few others from the Military. The clouds are parting and the Sun is peaking through. I welcome the changes, I welcome what the Universe is now tossing my way, thank you Universe/God/Great Spirit, truly thank you!

Wow.. nice changes

pic of barn door large and small door

barn door with man door

Sadly

It has been an emotional week and a half for me, losing my last Grandparent, that is 3 grandparents in the last Year and 3 months. Lost 2 Uncles, 1 Aunt, 2 cousins, my Mother is dying of an incurable condition and has maybe 2 yrs left, Dad’s not doing good from the diabetes and medication that he took, 7 military buddies in the last Year alone and one was shot by the RCMP while in the backyard at his BBQ. Then finding out that 35+ Military buddies have gone already due to a medley of reasons, PTSD related, medical from service issues, to name just two reasons . Personally for me some weird Medical conditions and situations in the last few years, take a toll on this old boy.

On the positive side though with the positive connections and very special connections at that, my Heart is Lighter and brimming with emotion. Now being a Dude, not sure how to even deal with emotions properly, but muddling along.

R said open up, be more communicable  be more emotional, share, open your heart, express your feelings to the world. OK,, but damn shutting the door again is like trying to shut a door to the barn in a Wind Storm! Sharing is fine, but right now the full barn doors are open and I would prefer to have that little Human sized door to be open then allow the bigger barn doors to open when I need them to be. I had been opening up and sharing since starting this blog, which is just for me by the way, so ..

Now sharing seems to be all I do, yuk.. touchy feely stuff ! Soon I will be putting flowers in a vase and looking for lace curtains to decorate with. Naw.. just want to plant veggies and stuff in the earth and make my own home from the materials on the land, build a home from scratch, for the future.

100% honest feelings here below caution the weirdo from within is loose from the cage!

Emotions;
afraid of breaking down tomorrow when I deliver my Eulogy about my Grandfather
afraid of loosing touch with the people who are now in my life
afraid of sharing too much and loosing them as well (O.. just like now, btw)
>afraid of getting all choked up just looking at photos of people I admire like General Dallaire at the Museum the other day (met him in Cyprus)
afraid of outside events tearing it all up
on and on… see whine here !

well for a fellow who was not afraid of anything before, had only 3 emotions, bweww… i is dun tuckered out with these emotions and stuff !
so.. open mouth, insert foot seems to be the order of the day for me
so.. if your still reading, that is just some of what I felt that I needed to share, if you’re not chased away by now, why not.. LOL

(ps wish I could spell as good as I can think of words or the level that I read at, plus the whole grammar thing)
ps… again.. wish WordPress would not edit out all proper spacing and replace it with dumb code.. so here I sit again editing it back so it looks normal.. waste of time !!

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3 Comments

Filed under Writing, Writing Free Form

3 responses to “Emotions

  1. thatoldschoolgirl

    so sorry about your grandfather

  2. Sorry for your loss again. I hope your eulogy went well.
    It’s too complicated sometimes.
    It’s human to share, not male or female.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you Grammom, I do believe women have more experience with showing and sharing Emotions though. Even from a very young age men are told to hide or mask feelings and emotions, so…

      ps. that is the Barn Door I see everyday, across from my place and I love barns so another reason I feel at home there.

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